It’s not easy for me to summarize my state of being, especally not to somebody who I actaully want to know how I am. I usually gloss over everything and convey nothing of substance, or else spend so much time going into depth that the point is lost.
However quite on accident this morning I said something that I think profound enough to bear repeating here for anybody who wants to know how I am.
I am learning to commit my heart to following Christ. It is easy enough to commit my time and activities to His care, but not so easy to trust Him with my heart and it’s desires. It is natural for me to hold onto a little corner that is what I want for myself and hope and pray that my Leader arranges my circumstances so that my heart is satisfied instead of letting Him work directly with my heart.
The realization of how accurate that statement is did not come until after I had sent the letter and re-read it later. I wonder how much easier my life would be if I would actually commit my heart’s desires to Christ’s care … and how much better my attitude would be if I could let go of the faint reservations that still pull at my heart because some part of me is still withheld in my control.